"Be Still and know...."

The other night I woke up in the middle of the night. I NEVER have a problem sleeping with these 3 kids running me around all day. That night I could not fall asleep! I decided to open the window to sleep listening to the night sounds. As I layed there unable to drift off, I decided, "what better time to pray than while I'm laying here in silent meditation anyways?" So, I laid there and prayed. I mean really prayed. I prayed for my friend who had some tests come back abnormal in her pregnancy, I prayed for my family's health and I prayed that God would lead me to be who He wants me to be. The night was dead still, but as I prayed, a cool breeze blew through my room. I felt instantly relaxed and I really feel like God was letting me know He was there with me. It was the most peaceful feeling I have felt in a while, and it reminded me of Psalm 46:10..."Be still and know that I am God...."

Sometimes we get so busy with our day to day lives that we forget that we aren't in charge. I spend so much time trying to convince my kids that I am the ruler of their world, I forget who is the ruler of mine. Not too long ago I read The Shack. At first I thought it was a little weird b/c God came to this man in the form of an older black woman. It took a little explaining, but then I understood why the author did that. To understand God, you have to break every stereotype you have of Him and then maybe you can start to understand. If the book taught me anything, it made me understand more of how God loves me. With all the mistakes I've made, and make, He still loves me. It took me becoming a parent to begin to grasp it. Even when our kids make mistakes, it doesn't change our love for them. We may be disappointed in them, but our love never lessens. This is how God's love is, and that is just amazing to me.

I hope that as my journey in this world continues I can always remember that I have someone looking out for me, and I hope that I remember to take the time (even if it's in the middle of the night) to just have a talk with Him.

Fairies and Dragons

"Little girls dance their way into your heart, Whirling on the tips of angel wings, Scattering gold dust and kisses in our paths" -unknown

I live in a land of fairies and dragons. Most of the time, my fairy is trying to overtake dragonland and an all out war ensues. But sometimes, there is peace amongst them. Today was that day, yesterday was not. Yesterday, my kids were "those kids" that had a fit in the middle of Toys R Us because they didn't want to stop playing with the train table. So, the peace that has occurred today is warmly welcomed after the chaos of the day before.

I love the innocence of children. They still have no idea that the world is not made up of Popsicles, princesses and playdates. I want to hold on to this forever...or at least as long as possible. Amaya will soon be 6 and that to me, is a big girl. She is truly a blessing in our lives and in our home. She is a booming firecracker, but also a beautiful sparkler all in the same. She rules this house with drama, but I wouldn't change her for the world. Her favorite thing in the world is for me to sit and color with her. She LOVES it when I draw a picture of her favorite princess for her and she proudly displays it for all to see as though she is just so proud of me. Today, I sat down with her and she wanted me to draw Tinkerbell (current princess du jour) and so I did. We spent time just coloring and chatting about school and her birthday and Christmas. She really would be so content to just sit all day at the table coloring, cutting, and pasting. Ever since she was little she has had a passion for drawing. She is quite accomplished for her age and I just love the little things she makes for me daily. She also is starting to read more and more. Today she read me Green Eggs and Ham. It was so great to sit and listen to her read me a story. Quite a difference from the hours I used to spend reading to her in bed until she would fall asleep. I used to feel burdened by the fact that I had to read her to sleep, but now that I have seen her love for reading is much like my own, am glad I spent that time with her. I feel blessed to know that I have played a part in helping her become who she is.

Showing Love

Wow, I am just so thankful for the outpouring of support I have received since I began typing these little blogs over the past few days! I have received many emails and comments about how well you relate to what I am saying. I just want to be that voice for the "mom in the real world". I don't live in a fantasy...my kids are not perfect angels, my house is not always clean and sometimes I make PB&J's for dinner..or better yet, just order a pizza! I am so glad that this has struck a chord in some of you and that you enjoy reading it! Here's to all the supermoms out there who try to keep it all together, even on days when you feel you are completely losing it! Truth be told, though it is "the hardest job in the world" to raise these kids, I don't know a single person who would trade being a parent for the world. Each day is a new day and a new learning experience. I love getting inspired by a friend, a daily devotion, or maybe even a cute quote or cartoon, and I am lucky in my life to have many amazing women surrounding me daily. I can say that one of the best things I ever did for myself or my children was join a playgroup. I have made the most wonderful friendships and my kids have too! Have a blessed weekend!

Thanksgiving

On FB today I noticed quite a few friends posting about what they are thankful for during this month where we are reminded what we should be thankful for *all year long*. This morning Adam and I got in a petty little argument about nothing really. It took me some time to cool off and reflect (over my cup of coffee) to realize that we are really just arguing over who appreciates whom the most. In some silly little battle I feel I should "win". I need to be appreciated more for all the daily things I do that make the family day run smoothly. He probably feels he should be appreciated more for working looooooooong hours that allow me to stay home and take care of the family. The truth is, we appreciate eachother. I appreciate what an amazing man and father he has grown into. Really, my kids think their dad hung the moon. I am so grateful for that. He would glady be a stay at home dad and play with them all day, but I won that toss up :) I know that he appreciates how much hard work I do around the house and especially appreciates the time I take to teach our kids to be unique, caring and loving individuals. Even though we didn't do things "by the book," we have been laying a path that works for us and learning as we go, with guidance from above. We had kids young and he is developing his career now, I am pushing mine back until the kids are in school. Most of my friends went the more traditional way with establishing careers, then having kids. It works for them and this works for us. We may not have all the *things* they have, but we are still finding our place in this world and we are doing it together. Our kids may not get to do gymnastics, swimming, MDO, dance and all those other "extras", but they get more than their share of "mommy time" whether they like it or not! I am definitely not judging those that do those things, in fact, I am looking forward to doing those things too when we are more able! Right now I am slowing down and enjoying all the time we do get to spend together, because I know too soon they will be running out the door with friends and I will see them in passing as they are off to their separate activities. So, this season of giving thanks...and the seasons to follow, I am going to show my appreciation more for all that I do have, which is an AMAZING family who loves eachother (as my friend Denise says) "to the moon and back". May you all be blessed with cherishing what you have through this season!

Stir Crazy

We have been stuck at home ever since Kai got home from the hospital. Being stuck in the house daily with a 22 month old and a 3 and a half year old can be a little ummm...trying at times. Sometimes they love eachother, sometimes not so much. Kalan isn't even 2 yet and he has learned to tattle. Amaya has taught him how to perfect this art. I swear she is going to become a news reporter when she grows up. Ever since she could talk, she insists that I know what everyone is doing at all times. "Mom! Kai is looking at me! Mom! Kai is touching my carseat! Mom! Kalan is puting dirt in his ears!" Sometimes it is helpful, but do I really need a second to second update on everything all the time?!

This leads to my picture...it's Clay's Restaurant. One of the kids favorites!! For those of you non-Houstonians, it is a restaurant/petting zoo. Ha! A little gross when you think of it like that, but the kids love it. You can eat on the patio on a picnic table and the kids can run around the HUGE yard complete with sandboxes and stables to see/feed horses, goats, a donkey, roosters, chickens and a baby cow. We try to make sure all the horse slobber and sand is washed away before the kids dig in! This could be a hard place for a first time mother to trek because we know we were all a little germ-a-phobic with the firstborns. By the time you have 3, you live by the motto "a little dirt won't hurt!" We actually went there to help celebrate one of our dear friend's daughter's birthday! So, mommy got some friend time and the kids got some friend time, yay! The weather could not have been more perfect! It was so nice to have a little vacation from the house and refreshed my spirit a bit, which a good mommy needs to do often!

My first blog

I titled my blog "Learning to Love Unselfishly" because thats where I am at in my life right now. I have 3 beautiful children who want and need nothing more from me but love, and all that goes with that. It is both simple and complicated at the same time. Motherhood is something you can never prepare yourself for completely because you just don't know true love until you have looked into your children's eyes. Sometimes I am a great mom and sometimes, I am ashamed to say, I am not the greatest. Sometimes I have a short temper, I yell and I don't sit down and play because I am updating my facebook page. But I can say that my kids will tell you I am the "best mom in the whole world" and that makes me feel forgiven for my shortcomings. I am going to start making small goals for myself that are easily reached, but greatly appreciated by the 3 children that mean the most to me in the world. I am going to let them mix all the play-doh together and not worry that they are "ruining it," I am going to let them play in the sand box even when it is all muddy (because that's when Kai likes it the best), and I am going to let them occasionally have a cookie before dinner...even at the risk that they might ruin their appetites :) When Amaya gets home from school and wants me to sit and color with her, I am going to, while I ignore the laundry that needs to be put away. If life over the past (almost)6 years has taught me anything, it is that these kids grow so fast, I need to stop and enjoy them while they are still little.
So, I have joined the world of family blogging in hopes that we can share our unforgetable journeys together!